A 3 step method to work with your anger instead of fighting it.

We all get angry, we all lash out and sometimes say or do things out of character. It is an emotion that exists within us all, yet is very antagonized. We have all seen the portrayal of anger in different forms, whether it be a loud voice of change in a protest or a silent glare towards the most annoying person in the room. Non the less, we have seen it and we continue to see it every day but why do we stay away from it and only tap into the power it holds when we are at rock bottom and it becomes the only source of survival left? The answer is because we don’t know enough about it and our lack of knowledge scares us in some way because it allows all types of assumptions and ideas to overload our minds.

Anger is not a separate emotion and it’s not disconnected from the other parts of ourselves. In fact, it coexists with all the other emotions and shows you what exactly hurts within so you can heal that part of yourself. If you are angry because someone made a negative comment about your looks then that means there is a part of you that believes in what they said. No matter how confident you think you are, the anger that came after this comment is the insecurity of not thinking you are good-looking enough. Or if your partner becomes passive-aggressive and jealous every time they see you with someone else then there is a very good chance that the anger they are displaying is their inner child feeling scared of abandonment. Still not an excuse to project this on to you but it always helps to see and understand where certain behaviors in us and others come from.

Working with anger can be quite helpful and it will improve your relationship with it. This does not mean that you will develop an angry persona and let it take over, quite opposite actually where it will act as a guide to lead you to full self-acceptance. When you find yourself feeling angry and frustrated about a certain situation, take a deep breath and ask yourself: what exactly happened? It would be helpful to write this down, record it or think out loud. This should be answered in a third perspective and excluding any past events, meaning that you simply state the incident. An example would be: “A fight between two people over a professional contract” Feel free to get into as much detail as you would like about the space it happened in and the details of the incident, just make sure they are as objective as possible and that it’s all applicable to the time of the incident.

Next, express what you believe happened. How did the situation or other person appear to you? What are your facts about the incidents? Again, feel free to get into as much detail as you want and this time it’s all subjective from your perspective. 

The final step is, to be honest, and let out how you feel, other than anger, what other emotions can be found? For each emotion, you come up with, search for the reason behind it. Do you feel betrayed because you had expectations of someone who did not live up to them? Were you scared because you felt like you were losing control and things could have gone horribly wrong? 

When you are done, examine what information you have recorded and think about it for a moment. The first part showed you the situation as it is, with no past experiences brought up or any triggers that may have caused the intense anger. The second part allows you to understand what beliefs and expectations you had towards the incident or the people involved in it including yourself, this is important because you can see what patterns of thoughts and behaviors lead you to feel this way, you can then choose to keep what aligns with who you really are and let go of what does not serve you. The final part shows the parts in yourself that need a little more attention and love, often the parts we neglect within us resort to using powerful emotions like anger to voice themselves and get our attention. It can be your inner child asking for reassurance or your hurt self that still lives in the past and needs to heal so it can move on.

Don’t let this part of you scare you away, approach it with love and you will be amazed at the things it shows you. Own your power today and allow yourself to be guided.